reflecting on the end of 2022

this was a time of growing, changing, and taking lots and lots of pictures.

i felt more like i was living in a movie, than i did a human life. i felt the urge to document everything. i felt that channeling my pain into curating a beautiful life, made it easier for me to swallow it. i have now learned to chew. i have now learnhed that it is okay to be outward with your struggle. it is okay that it is happening inward, as well.

i would label this time in life as falling in love with myself truly- and in the way of learning how to better be the very best i can be for myself. even though i was not that, i understood that it was what i had been craving all along.

i was struggling a lot, an incredibly large amount, and largely i kept it completely to myself. i didn’t want it to deter me from the larger journey i saw myself on. i understand now that the journey is a culmination of the moments within it. they are equally important. you do not have to only endure and survive.

i tried really hard to imagine myself in a life i would have dreamt of living. 19 and alive and loud. i tried to summon up my time with elizabeth in the basement of this beautiful Alberta home as a sort of coming of age opportunity.

things were beautiful, in the way they felt beautiful and in a way it felt like i was finally learning what it meant for me to be happy. or what it would look like, anyhow.

it’s funny now because i feel very little attachment to this version of myself— this sort of thwarted pseudonym of sorts, it was truly a time of growth and surviving.

i can breathe now, and it feels nice to recount it like it was a distant memory or something. it makes me feel like i’m farther away from that pain. and in a lot of ways i am. i do love the pictures, though. i’m glad to have them.